The Secrets of Osborne House

Apr20
by on April 20, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Posted In: Author-X, Famous Hauntings

~Written By Zenobia~

Queen Victoria’s palace by the sea, Osborne House in East Cowes on the Isle of Wight, was designed by Prince Albert with the palaces of the Italian Renaissance in mind. It was built between 1845 and 1851, but the royals had their private apartments established, and had moved into the residence in just over a year from the start of the project. Designed to be a royal residence, the house was very much a retreat for the queen and her family…where they could be away from the very public attention of the royal court in London. During queen Victoria’s reign, it was used far more as a family home than any other royal residence Victoria had at her disposal. Osborne House was undoubtedly the favorite residence of Queen Victoria and was probably the closest thing her 9 children ever had to a family home. The royals spent an extraordinary amount of time there, all of the summer months and most Christmases. After Albert died, Victoria spent considerably more time on the Isle of Wight, and spent every Christmas at Osborne House.

The house itself is a very large building, a lot of which was built to accommodate visitors and household staff, with the royal family’s private apartments taking up only a fraction of the whole building. Queen Victoria paid for the construction of Osborne House entirely from her own pocket…and although the house itself is extremely opulent and extravagant, Victoria and Albert were quite frugal…and kept a tight rein on the purse strings. Evidence of this is noticeable throughout the house…main corridors of the house and other areas where Victoria frequented are adorned with gold leaf on the cornices and moldings…corridors which Victoria never ventured down are simply left white and unadorned. Osborne House was a modern marvel during Victorian times as it was the first house on the island to have central heating, electricity, refrigeration, and fabulous indoor plumbing…showers and all!

Walking through this magnificent house, you get a strong feel of family and an intimate glimpse into the daily routine and life of the royal family. It is truly like something frozen in time, or documented on a postcard. All the possessions and sentimental items still remain where they were left when Victoria died on January 22, 1901.
Immediately following the death of Queen Victoria, the royal apartments on the upper floors of the pavilion wing were turned into a private museum purely for the use of the royal family. Part of the ground floor was opened to the public early in the 20th century, and in 1954 Victoria’s bedroom and private apartments could be viewed by the public for the first time, followed by the royal nurseries in 1989. Today the house has been sympathetically restored to its former glory as the summer palace of the Queen Empress.
Throughout its history, Osborne house has served many purposes. From a royal residence and family home, to an officers convalescence home, to a naval college and finally, a museum. When the queen died, the house was passed to her son Edward, who wasn’t really interested in it, preferring to spend his time at Sandringham. Eventually, he turned Osborne House over to the nation.

Some of the more interesting things you might not have known about Queen Victoria and Osborne House….For a woman who was the royal grandmother to many of the crowned princes and princesses in Europe, and who ruled through an age of major industrial progress in England, Queen Victoria was pretty much the opposite in real life to the persona she was carrying off of the iron fisted ruler who was supposed to be upholding these strict values and morals. Victorianism over the years had come to imply rigidity…in social conduct, sexual morality, family values and religious faith. Unfortunately, if these values were supposed to be taken seriously as requirements for being *Victorian*, then no one, least of all Victoria herself, could be considered Victorian. She loved a good drink and preferred whiskey in her tea rather than milk. She took gluttony to new heights at mealtimes. She couldn’t stand childbirth…despite having 9 children. She disapproved of most marriages…and instead of celebrating birthdays, she preferred to celebrate the anniversaries of peoples deaths. She spent a lot of time visiting the dearly departed at their respective mausoleums. Although the queen was religious in every sense…she was also fascinated with spiritualism, mysticism and with contacting the dead. A lot of her fascination with the *other side* came about when Albert passed away suddenly. From that moment on, Osborne House became one of the main settings of her many journeys into dabbling with the occult.

Albert’s death in 1861 came as such a shock to Victoria, that she never quite recovered from it. Her reaction was to hide herself away, becoming a recluse. It was while she was at Osborne House that she began to hold seances along with her daughter Louise, and a medium, and psychic, Robert Lees, in an attempt to contact Albert. Later, she would appoint Robert Lees as her own royal psychic, as her desire to keep Albert close even in death grew. Eventually, Prince Albert was *contacted* from beyond the grave, and apparently he advised Victoria to send for John Brown who was at Balmoral, to come and act as resident medium for the queen. Now….John Brown as we all know was at the center of controversy and was accused of having an illicit affair with the queen. However, if you read the history books, you might ask yourself whether or not Victoria kept him close by her side in an effort to keep Albert’s spirit close to her. John Brown was indeed the person who was trance channeling the spectral presence of the prince consort, and the queen had somehow got it into her head that the spirit of Albert had somehow passed into the body of John Brown. I believe that the allegations of the affair between the queen and John Brown were speculative..to say the least, however, we will probably never know the truth because Victoria’s son Bertie (Edward VII) burned the personal diaries of John Brown which contained records of the many spiritualist seances held with the queen.

Surely death is not the end. Albert certainly was never allowed to completely pass away. Whether Victoria actually ever did contact him from beyond the grave or not….she carried on daily life as if he were still alive….clothes laid out for him, fresh towels in the bathroom and hot water were continuously provided. It was as if Albert had not died, but had simply left the room.
Some have said that queen Victoria was mad. It certainly ran in the family! Was she mad? Or did she actually have a link to the Afterlife? We may never know. Doubts were cast on the queen’s sanity by her own children and her government. It is a well known fact that Victoria suffered from porphyria, a disease which can bring on bouts of madness and delusional anger. This disease wreaked havoc throughout the house of Hanover with her grandfather George III suffering the worst effects of it very publicly.

Ok….history lessons over. What about the ghosts I hear you say?? Is Osborne House haunted?? I personally believe that all houses are *haunted*, that energy trapped in the floors, walls and atmosphere of a house over time, has the potential to replay itself, so to speak…every now and again, given the right frequency for broadcasting. The thing about Osborne house is that because of the private nature of the house and the collection, no photographs, digital equipment or investigations are allowed in any way shape or form, so we know only by word of mouth the ghost stories which originate from there. Accounts from staff and visitors regarding their ghostly encounters at Osborne house indicate that it is haunted mainly by royalty, which would make sense. A woman dressed in black has been reported wandering the corridors upstairs in the house, and some are convinced it is Victoria…still in mourning for Albert. I wouldn’t be surprised if her spirit visited there frequently, as it was her favorite place to spend time. Other accounts reported include the sound of bagpipes and music emanating from the house, some believing this to be caused by the ghost of John Brown.

I had the good fortune to visit Osborne House recently, and I do believe I had a spiritual experience of my own there. As we were following the tour round, we entered the Queens dressing room. Almost instantly, I began to suffer with a sudden attack of indigestion, despite having eaten nothing so far that day. As I was standing there listening to the tour guide and feeling quite uncomfortable, the guide starting telling us how the queen had kept her *potions* in a portable wooden box in her dressing room, as she suffered from frequent and serious attacks of indigestion. Coincidence? Probably. I was just standing there hoping I wasn’t going to vomit on something priceless! The feeling I had lasted through the dressing room, through the bathroom, and into her private bedroom. As soon as we left the room and headed down the stairs, I was fine! Very strange for me as I rarely suffer from heartburn.

Osborne House is now owned by English Heritage and is open to the public from spring through to autumn. The former Naval College’s cricket pavilion was converted into a holiday cottage in 2004 and can be booked by members of the public. Osborne House is a great place to visit on a day out on the Isle of Wight with the whole family. The house hosts many events and provides family activities for all, details of which can be found on the English Heritage website link below.
For more information on English Heritage properties to visit in the Isle of Wight during the winter months…go to www.english-heritage.org.uk or call 0870 333 1181.

Sources:
http://www.victorianstation.com/queen.html
http://www.english-heritage.org.uk
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victoria_of_the_United_Kingdom
http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/historic_figures/victoria_queen.shtml

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Ghostly Manifestations or Types of Hauntings

Apr16
by on April 16, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Posted In: Author-X, Photographs

~Written By Cassandra~  

Anyone can read on the internet about how ghostly manifestations are commonly divided, as there are many kinds and a lot written on this. They are also referred to as ‘Types (or Kinds) of Hauntings’. I seemed to be getting a pattern when I checked these out, so I would like to write about my research and give you all my opinions on this matter. First, I will write general information I have found on the net about the Types or Kinds of Hauntings. As we are on a journey to seek knowledge above all, I will attempt to give opinions here and there, and later put out a theory about ghosts that I have, because I cannot keep my mouth shut!

The interesting thing to note here is that ‘ghost’ or ‘spirit’ are synonyms in a dictionary. “synonyms 1. apparition, phantom, phantasm, wraith, revenant; shade, spook. Ghost, specter, spirit all refer to the disembodied soul of a person. A ghost is the soul or spirit of a deceased person, which appears or otherwise makes its presence known to the living: the ghost of a drowned child. A specter is a ghost or apparition of more or less weird, unearthly, or terrifying aspect: a frightening specter. Spirit is often interchangeable with ghost but may mean a supernatural being, usually with an indication of good or malign intent toward human beings: the spirit of a friend; an evil spirit.” (From Dictionary.com) However, the definition of spirit seems to have a more supernatural meaning to it. Interestingly enough, in my travels around the net, I have discovered that mostly in the UK, people tend to make a distinction between a ghost and a spirit as well. This happens more often there than here in the States. In fact on many sites I found that they referred to a ghost as the imprint of the soul which does not interact with a human, but only is the actor of a residual haunting or ‘stone-tape theory’. Thus, the ‘ghost’ would never acknowledge the presence of a human being, but just go about re-enacting its death or any common, every day situation that once took place in its life. A ‘spirit’ however, would be the one that interacted with a human being, and certainly acknowledged the human being’s presence, either to warn, give a message, or whatever reason would justify its presence or haunting in a place. I thought this was interesting, particularly since they attributed residual hauntings to ghosts, and not to spirits! Just think about this: we refer to evil spirits as evil spirits, not evil ghosts, so clearly there must be a difference between both!

On to the types of ghostly manifestations, and I’ll list them and group them out below.

Poltergeists (or ‘noisy ghosts’): The consensus here tells us that this manifests when there are teenagers in the home or emotional stress that is suppressed. The idea is that the pent-up energy is released in the form of noises, objects moving, appearing or disappearing, and in some cases human levitation. The most famous cases of poltergeists have usually revolved around children or teenagers. A good example of this is the Enfield Poltergeist, which occurred in the UK in 1977. The girls that were attacked were Janet and Margaret, though Janet was the center of attention most of the time. A good site to visit and learn about all that happened there is Haunted Mansions. Just click the link below to visit and read about this world-famous poltergeist.

http://www.zurichmansion.org/ghosts/video2.html#List%20of%20visitors%20to%20the%20house

Shadow People/Ghosts: This kind of ghostly manifestation is one that many sites have written about, but nobody really has a clue as to what they are or why it is that they are dark/black. Some people think that they are evil, others say that they choose to manifest this way, much like a person would choose to wear a certain color when dressing. Nevertheless, the typical manifestation of a shadow person is often accompanied by the feeling of dread by the human being who is experiencing it. Also to note here is that often they can be a result of pareidolia, as they are seen out of the corner of our eyes. Another common theory is that electromagnetic fields can cause hallucinations, which can result in apparitions or shadow ghosts haunting a place. The most common types of shadow people are the ‘hooded ‘monk’ appartion’, and the ‘hat man apparition’. Both have no recognizable features, of course, except for what seem to be a hood and robes or a cloak in the first case, and a 1930’s Fedora style hat in the second case. Some of the people who have seen shadow ghosts say that in some cases glowing red eyes accompany the vision. The only thing that all the accounts have in common is that they are dark and that they are fast, besides the fact that you cannot see any features or details of clothing on them. There is a lot written about shadow people/ghosts on the net. All you have to do is google for them and you’ll find so much, it will take you several hours (or even days) to get through all of them!

 

Shadow ghosts caught on camera? (Terribly pixilated video clip though!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2OGpErMFSg

Ghostly apparitions: The greatest piece of evidence a paranormal investigating team can capture is a ghostly apparition. Of course, like any piece of evidence, it could be faked. There is much going on in the world today in technology. A ghost picture can easily be reproduced using an editing software program. But that is a topic for another article!

Ghostly apparitions are extremely rare. Many people who have seen one say it may look as real as you or me. Others say it looks transparent or semi-transparent. Still others say it may be surrounded by mist or it may be giving some kind of light, but these are few and far between. The general consensus is that a ghost looks pretty solid, much like a human being does. This is not very unusual as ghosts were people once!

Why do ghosts appear to human beings? There are many reasons, and this is what makes ghostly manifestations interesting, for it takes us to different types of hauntings. A ghost can appear to warn, advise, foretell or because he needs to focus on unfinished business. (This is referred to an interactive or intelligent haunting). A ghost can also appear in a battlefield, re-enacting this event; or walking through walls or doors, seemingly performing an everyday task in a house that clearly doesn’t fit the rooms or blueprints of the house you are in. (Residual hauntings, Historical and battlefield apparitions, stone-tape theory hauntings). One of the apparitions I actually found on the net speaks of ‘Atmospheric Apparitions’ and the strong imprint of the ghost in the location where he is seen. They relate this to quantum physics (time-slips) and other atmospheric hypothesis that have not been proved yet. Interesting to note, I have a theory of mine about time-slips and residual hauntings, but more about that later! Last but not least, are the apparitions that choose to make themselves known to a close friend or relative at the moment of their death as if saying goodbye. (Deathbed or crisis apparitions).

Whatever the kind of apparition or haunting, this much is clear: they are not as commonplace as they may seem and clearly only some people seem to be able to witness them.

Ghost caught in surveillance camera at Woodchester mansion or a light refraction?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LFWeJuSC0k&feature=related

I will not write about orbs here, as I have already done so in my previous article, and I don’t believe them to be paranormal at all. I also will omit ghostly mists and vortexes, for the simple reason that the majority of the so-called ‘vortexes’ are camera straps unknowingly caught in the picture and because mists could be breath while taking the photograph. Believe me, you can even hold your breath or think you do, but breath has a way of lingering in the air, particularly when it is cold! Humidity also does a lot in the way of anomalous photographs. Now, I’m not saying here that there could be some interesting mists out there that are genuine! However, I do want to clarify that they are extremely difficult to capture, just like a true orb may also be. The fact of the matter here that people seem to forget is that ghosts do NOT perform on demand, and that ghost hunting is very boring, as you can spend countless nights without getting any evidence at all! If you do want to be a serious paranormal investigator, you must be prepared for the truth and that is that you won’t be catching a whole lot of evidence all the time. Nor will you be asking the ghost to perform and get an answer! Let’s face it folks, ghosts can and do appear, but they don’t appear as often as you would like them to!

Which now brings me to my unanswered questions: Why do ghosts appear to some people and not to all people? Why is it that some people can see residual hauntings and others (even if they are there with the person who sees the residual haunting) can’t? Why do some ghosts seem to disappear or fade in time? Is it because their ‘imprint’ wears off? How is it possible to see ghosts dressed in period clothing walking through the house but their feet seem to disappear into the floor, as if the house stood on lower grounds before? Are we really witnessing a ghost in this case? What triggers residual hauntings? Does it have to do with electromagnetic fields or something in the person who is witnessing the residual haunting?

There are even more questions, but that would make this too long for the reader. Nevertheless, I’m sure you are asking yourselves some questions also! And time-slips and residual hauntings makes all of us think about the nature of ghosts as well. These two topics are fascinating and there is a lot written about them on the net. So, it looks like I’ll have to write about them another time. Till then, have fun and if you do live in a haunted house, make sure you ask your ghost to step in front of the camera and smile! You might just get the ultimate ghost picture!

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The Great Orb Debate

Apr09
by on April 9, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Posted In: Author-X, Photographs

~Written By Cassandra~   

While surfing around the net, you come to literally hundreds of photographs with white spheres in them. Some are transparent, others milky white. Still others are different colors. A person viewing so many of these photographs would certainly become intrigued and want to know more about them. What are they? In the paranormal world and in paranormal sites the word ‘orb’ pops up. Many people and some that call themselves ‘paranormal investigators’ call them evidence of spirits that haunt a place. I’m not a skeptic but I would like to ask a question. If I were a ghost, why would I come back as a round ball of light? The ‘paranormal experts’ have an answer to this: “Orbs are spirit manifestation, but the fact is that spirits take up so much energy to manifest into a full-bodied apparition, that they prefer to use less energy and manifest as a round ball of light.” This leads me to the next question: How do they know this? Where is the evidence to back this up? Have they interviewed a spirit? What logic are they following? In order for me to research this, I spent a good deal of time reading up on orbs and their history.

I won’t include details of the entire history of digital cameras here, but I will say that I found something interesting. Orbs first started making their appearance in the late 1990’s along with the appearance of digital cameras. As time went by, these cameras became less expensive to buy, (and more people started using them). Consequently, the amount of orbs in pictures suddenly began to grow as well. A deeper study into this and I found the following bit of information on the net in the form of letters replying to a user of a digital cam complaining to the Technical Support Representative: “When shooting with flash, you may notice areas sometimes described as “orbs” or “spots” appearing in the picture in front of your subject. These “orbs” or “spots” usually appear as bright white or gray out-of-focus spots. The “orbs” or “spots” are generally caused by particles in the air that reflect the flash. Examples of these particles include but are not limited to; dust, sawdust, snowflakes, rain or even insects that reflect light. The brightness of these “orbs” or “spots” will vary depending on the distance from the camera’s flash, the closer they are to the camera the brighter they will appear.”  When the person making the complaint wrote back that this was not acceptable and that the camera was defective by design, he got the following reply: “In all sincerity the issue you’re encountering is not a defect, but a matter of physics. The relative distance of the flash from the lens is causing the light from the flash to reflect off particles in the air and back to the cameras lens. This scenario is unfortunately not uncommon in compact cameras regardless of model or brand. This Issue may be less prevalent in cameras that have there flashes further away from the lens, however this would result in a larger camera design overall. This being said I could not guarantee your images being completely “orb” or “spot” free.”

From: http://www.cnet.com.au/digitalcameras/cameras/0,239036184,240060545,00.htm

After reading this, I remembered that the film cameras sold before the appearance of the digital had flashes that were much further away from the lens than the modern digital ones. In fact, one of the cameras I had used before needed flash bulbs cubes that were inserted into the top of the camera. I didn’t remember the orbs then, but I did remember forgetting to send the roll of film to be developed and ending up with hideous color-faded pictures or red blotches where there shouldn’t be any, totally frustrating my secret ambition to become a renowned photographer, but that is another story!

Of course, the whole issue was that there were more orbs appearing in some cameras and less in others. I even found hexagonal orbs and kite-shaped orbs, and began to notice that certain cameras reproduce certain kinds of orbs, or lens flare (if taken in direct sunlight). I also discovered that this had to do with the camera diaphragm in a camera lens, which is an adjustable opening that lets in more or less light. *See Diaphragm (optics) in Wikipedia for more information on this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragm_(optics)

 

 

 

 

 

So after studying this topic for over a year, and looking at too many orb photographs, I arrived to the following conclusion: orbs in photographs are usually created by cameras and the laws of physics. Take a picture with a flash, and even if you say there is no dust around and that you cleaned the lens, if you are in a dusty environment, chances are pretty good that you will get orbs. More so, if you have walked around a bit before you took the picture.

Picture 1172: Example of dust orbs in a photograph

Dust Orbs

Are all orbs dust, then? No, they are not. Some are moisture orbs, which can be captured when there is humidity in the air. Other orb pictures can be rain, and an interesting point to note is that rain orbs appear to be shooting upwards. This is the way the camera captures them and has nothing to do with the paranormal. Snow is pretty much the same too. Insects flying around make excellent orb pictures, and some show a spooky trail (no doubt due to the speed of the insect in flight). Colored orbs, in my opinion, are a direct reflection of a colored object in the room. So, are all orbs explainable? I am no expert to answer that question, but I can give an opinion based on a couple of orb pictures that have made me scratch my head and stop to think. These, in turn, have led me to believe that there ARE true orbs out there and they are very difficult to photograph. So, how can we tell if it is a true orb or not? Some conclude that the best evidence is when an ‘orb’ overlaps or obstructs another object in the photograph and thus can be measured as to being further away from the lens and compared to the object in question. However, in some cases, this could just be an illusion or simply an over enhancement of the orbs, so that they appear to be on top of an object or covered partially by something. Others say when the orb shows movement. This could very well be so, but this also can be explained as lint or dust in movement. And let’s not forget flying insects! I found some examples of ‘overlapping’ or obstructed orbs, as well as moving orbs on the net, just click the link below.

http://www.ghostgadgets.com/_knowledge/photoanalysis.html

 

 

 

 

Are true orbs spirits? Well, as I was saying before, I have seen a couple of pics out there that have made me wonder. And of course, I have come up with a theory. To me, and in my honest opinion, true orbs are not spirits, but energy. I base this on the minimal knowledge I have of Electro Magnetic fields and the disturbance that they cause. I’ve seen a couple of videos and pictures of ball lightning that only confirm my theory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ioN-3UWYrY

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx1GJnOBzFw&feature=related

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V65iWNNYrNU&feature=related

 

 

 

 

If electricity can cause these balls of light, then what causes orbs to form if they are paranormal in nature? I believe that if a ghost or spirit can cause electromagnetic interference as shown in anomalous spikes you get when on an investigation, then if the time is right and the conditions are right, why can’t ghosts cause orbs to appear like some kind of electromagnetic discharge in order to manifest? Therefore, while I don’t believe that orbs are ghosts, I do believe that if the conditions are right, orbs can be the energy a ghost displays in a room when trying to manifest in this plane. To me, orbs are simply energy, and ghosts need energy to make themselves known. What evidence do I have to back this up? None whatsoever. Have I interviewed a ghost to put this theory out there? No, I haven’t. I don’t even know if ghosts truly exist or are just a slip in time, or a figment of the past repeating itself in the present. And, until I can prove they exist or a bright physicist who has effectively proved this theory turns up, I’ll continue to believe it.

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New Age Hooey 101: Meditation & Visualization

Apr07
by on April 7, 2008 at 5:01 am
Posted In: Author-X, Psychic

~Written by ‘V’~

Bill gave me the opportunity to contribute here, and as per usual, the minute he asks for writing from me, my muse curls up with a good book and headphones and ignores me. The lazy sod refuses to come up with any topics that won’t make me sound like a complete wackjob. I finally figured, what the Hell, I can sound like a complete wackjob for Bill. I mean he already knows I’m nuts, and not to put too fine a point on it, but the rest of you don’t know me well enough to have me committed.

There are several different things I may eventually write about here: Aura reading, energy transference, mental shielding, and all sorts of new age-y type stuff that sounds like a bunch of crap even to myself, despite my experiments with them. Before we can get into any of those things though, there are basic techniques that need to be established. The main two things are meditation and visualization.

There are probably more meditation techniques than leaves on any given tree. I’m not going to sit here and say you do THIS . I’m simply going to tell you some of the ways that work for me. If you decide to take up meditation you’ll need to find the way that works best for you. There are countless books on the subject available, if nothing here feels right, look around for something that will work better for you.

I’ve meditated with candles, crystals, soft music, and any number of other clichéd things. Sometimes they worked, other times there was simply no relaxing my mind. I eventually found it just as easy to meditate without all the trappings one expects to use. I concentrate on my own breathing, and slowly reach the head space where actual stimuli are dimmed and I can start visualizing.

Visualizing, like meditation, is highly personal, what works for me may make absolutely no sense to you. Visualization isn’t a power itself, its just a tool to help you focus your mind on the particular job you want it to do. The way I use visualization changes based on what I’m trying to achieve. Even within the realm of aura reading, I visualize slightly different things based on what I’m looking for. Emotions, in my mind are a nebulous cloud of color roughly in front of a person, where as if I’m looking more towards the physical, such as health, the colors are closer to the body, more defined on some level, and often much more subdued. If I’m trying to read interactions between two people, I visualize each of them and how various colors ebb and flow between their bodies. These three very different ways of looking at auras are all the same image, a human form. The only difference is in how I ‘see’ the colors in relation to the body in each situation.

Since it seems like I’m working myself into writing more of these, I’ll leave those of you who might follow along a little homework. Consider what things in your life relax you completely, or seem to make you feel re-energized when you’re feeling bad. Some of these may help you clear your mind quicker than all the ‘standard’ trappings of meditation, especially with a little practice.

Until next time…

Zavada ‘V’ McElwain

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Becoming A Paranormal Expert In 10 Easy Steps

Apr06
by on April 6, 2007 at 3:15 am
Posted In: Author-BeyonderBill, Editorials, Paranormal Humor

~Written By Bill Stone~

Are you an armchair ghost hunter? Do television shows like Paranormal State, Most Haunted, or even Ghost Hunters inspire you to go out there, and be better than all the others? Are you ready to make it happen for fame and glory? If you answered ‘yes’ to all of those questions, THIS is the guide you’ve been waiting for!

Since the spawn of the television shows mentioned above, there have been a million new websites created, and just as many new ghost hunting teams have been born to emulate them. Most of them are teams that will never have an impact on anything, or websites with useless fluff written by people who know NOTHING about the paranormal. Don’t worry. You’re better than that! You’re an expert, and here’s how to do it bigger, and better than everyone else while at the same time showing everyone how great you are!

Step 1: Start A Website
The first thing you want to take care of is a home base on the world wide web. You NEED a website. Keep in mind that you don’t have to go crazy here. As a matter of fact, you want to show the world how dedicated you really are, so it’s best that you sign up for one of the multiple free web hosts out there. Nothing says ‘I’m in it for the long haul’ like a Geocities, or an Angelfire website.

Don’t forget to add moon phases, and geomagnetic field applets too!

Step 2: Recruit Members For Your Team
This is an easy one. If you’re married, it’s a common thing for married people to control a team together. Usually one spouse is in charge while the other is second in command. Don’t worry about favoritism. If any other members don’t like it, they can leave. If you look around, you’ll see a lot of teams that have this exact same sort of setup and philosophy. What’s so great is that the 2 leaders are often BOTH ‘sensitive’ or ‘psychic’. This fact kills two birds with one stone. It is wise to recruit as many ‘sensitive’ or ‘psychic’ members as possible. This way, when your scientific gadgets and gizmos come up with nothing, you have a backup to find the ghosts that you KNOW are there! Don’t worry. ‘Sensitives’ and ‘psychics’ are EASY to find if you’re looking for them in the paranormal community. Just throw a rock, and you’ll certainly hit one. Also, it’s not mandatory, but it IS recommended that you recruit at least ONE member with a mullet.

Step 3: Make an Acronym
This one’s HUGE. It’s elementary. You need a name for your group that really rolls off the tongue, but it also needs to actually mean something. MOST groups use an acronym. It’s best to think of the word you want to use BEFORE deciding on what you want the letters to stand for. Also, the word should be something cool and spooky. Pick something that sounds like it should be the name of a rock band or super hero team. For example you could use something like ‘CREEPS’ or ‘KRABS’. You can use any word you want if you’re creative. You MAY want to pick something that contains certain letters that stand for words commonly used in the community, or letters that stand for the location of your group.

Here are a few examples of words commonly used in acronyms in the community today.
Certified, Paranormal, Research, Ghost, Hauntings, Hunting, Hunters, Investigation, Society

That should give you an idea. Let’s say you’re from Kentucky. You can become P.R.I.C.K. Paranormal Researchers & Investigators Canvassing Kentucky. Like that? I added the word ‘canvassing’ to the mix. Don’t worry. It doesn’t really HAVE to make sense. That’s the beauty of it. If you look at all the other groups in the field, you’ll see that MOST acronyms are either stretching the words to the limit, or barely make any sense at all. Don’t worry. You’re all set.

Step 4: Decorate Your Website
Having a stylish, and flashy website is one of the most important things that you can do when you get involved with the paranormal community. you MUST make it POP and catch the eye. You’re in luck. Most of the images and artwork that you need already exist, and are waiting for you on the web. All you have to do is search for them.

Skulls.

You need skulls that are moving or doing something. Flaming skulls are great for bonus points. You can also get other types of animated gif files to spice things up. Ghost images are good too. Animated boarders like the bleeding one above separating your content will do wonders for your site, or your groups credibility.

When you make a logo for your site or group, it’s probably wise to incorporate a skull or two for good measure there as well.

Step 5: Music
When people visit your site they NEED to know that they’ve entered a whole new realm of glory and spookiness. You need to announce your presence with authority. The best way to do that is to add loud music to each of your pages on your site. It MUST be something that sets the mood, and is spooky. Also, make sure that your visitors have no way to turn it off. Did I mention that it should be LOUD? A Good idea for music is anything that sounds like it was composed on an old organ. Another good idea, is to use midi versions of the ‘Halloween Theme’ or ‘Tubular Bells’.(That’s ‘The Exorcist Theme’ to you.) Yeah, that’ll show everyone that you mean business!

Step 6: Conduct Big Investigations
All cemeteries and graveyards are haunted! This is great because they’re everywhere. Make sure you spend the night in as many cemeteries as possible for a few months. It’s also a good idea to bring your psychics and cameras along with you. Psychics ALWAYS know where the ghosts are, so ask them about what direction you should point your camera. Take as many pictures as possible because you’ll need some images for the website. Not only that, if you’re using a decent digital camera, you’ll definitely get the orbs you need to prove your haunting to all the skeptics.

Step 7: Add Compelling Content
ORBS! I cannot stress this enough. Never underestimate the value of orb pictures. Get some orbs, lots of them! You should have pictures of orbs all over your website. You need big orbs,white orbs, blue orbs, glowing orbs, videos of orbs, orbs in the attic, green orbs and ham, orbs in the rain, orbs in the basement, and even on a sunny day. If you don’t have orbs, you have no credibility, and don’t deserve to be in the field. Forget about calling yourself an expert!

While your at it, you need to add E.V.P.’s to your site, but when you let your visitors listen to the file, make sure that you first tell them exactly what to hear. We don’t want them walking away thinking that they only heard only a couple noises. No, you want to make sure that they hear what you hear. Tell them what to listen for.

The same thing goes for your ghostly images. Get skilled at photoshop or another image editing program. Alter your ghost pictures to make the ghosts easier for people to recognize, and let them know what to look for.

The truth is, people will see or hear anything that you tell them to. They do this because they’re morons. Don’t get me wrong. Morons are good. You need morons. Otherwise we’ll have people running around in the community with no direction at all, or even worse, thinking for themselves. No, it’s best to just tell them what you want them to believe, and watch them fall in line.

Step 8: Promote Yourself & Site
Do the rounds on other websites to promote your team and website. IF a website has a forum, you should register, and join in on the conversations. Don’t worry about getting to know these people. After all, they’re not anyone that will be important to you. They’re just words on a computer screen that can help you get to your ultimate goal of fame and fortune in the paranormal community.

You’ll want to show them some of the great paranormal evidence that you’ve collected to show off how professional, and credible your team is. You will most likely get some resistance there. There are always a few skeptics that will attempt to shoot your orbs down, or discredit them somehow. They’re most likely jealous that they were unable to capture such a great piece of evidence, and will refuse to admit that you have one up on them. They’ll try to make it sound good, and use big words like ‘matrixing’, but in reality, it all boils down to cynicism and jealousy.

Pay these people no mind. YOU’RE the professionals. They’re the nobodies. Besides, you have skulls on your site.

Step 9: Align With Winners
This is an important aspect of the field that many of us forget to do. You have to connect yourself with those that have already made a name for themselves in the field, good or bad. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. Tell people that your friends with members of TAPS, Lorraine Warren, or some other famous investigator. By association, you will immediately be respected, and seen as someone that is already in the ‘inner circle’ of paranormal experts. Everyone will KNOW that you possess knowledge that goes beyond this physical realm, and far into the beyond. You’ve finally made it.

Step 10: Take Out The Competition
Lastly, you MUST find out about other groups in your local area, and do whatever you can to discredit them. Let the rest of the paranormal community know that YOU are the top dogs in your territory. All other paranormal groups in your area are the enemy, and are trying to take your slice of the pie. They will get to the good hauntings first and make a name for themselves. Don’t you let them do it.

That’s about it. If you follow these 10 simple steps, you and your team will be at the top of the proverbial paranormal food chain in no time. You will be respected, honored, and think about this…

Step 9 dictates that you should ally yourselves with other famous investigators. Pretty soon, some new team will be lying to their friends about how well they know YOU.

Ain’t that somethin’? If you’re smart, you’ll start a paranormal certification course, and charge some cash to teach your craft. You’ll make a fortune off of them!

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