~Written By Bill Stone~

Are you an armchair ghost hunter? Do television shows like Paranormal State, Most Haunted, or even Ghost Hunters inspire you to go out there, and be better than all the others? Are you ready to make it happen for fame and glory? If you answered ‘yes’ to all of those questions, THIS is the guide you’ve been waiting for!

Since the spawn of the television shows mentioned above, there have been a million new websites created, and just as many new ghost hunting teams have been born to emulate them. Most of them are teams that will never have an impact on anything, or websites with useless fluff written by people who know NOTHING about the paranormal. Don’t worry. You’re better than that! You’re an expert, and here’s how to do it bigger, and better than everyone else while at the same time showing everyone how great you are!

Step 1: Start A Website
The first thing you want to take care of is a home base on the world wide web. You NEED a website. Keep in mind that you don’t have to go crazy here. As a matter of fact, you want to show the world how dedicated you really are, so it’s best that you sign up for one of the multiple free web hosts out there. Nothing says ‘I’m in it for the long haul’ like a Geocities, or an Angelfire website.

Don’t forget to add moon phases, and geomagnetic field applets too!

Step 2: Recruit Members For Your Team
This is an easy one. If you’re married, it’s a common thing for married people to control a team together. Usually one spouse is in charge while the other is second in command. Don’t worry about favoritism. If any other members don’t like it, they can leave. If you look around, you’ll see a lot of teams that have this exact same sort of setup and philosophy. What’s so great is that the 2 leaders are often BOTH ‘sensitive’ or ‘psychic’. This fact kills two birds with one stone. It is wise to recruit as many ‘sensitive’ or ‘psychic’ members as possible. This way, when your scientific gadgets and gizmos come up with nothing, you have a backup to find the ghosts that you KNOW are there! Don’t worry. ‘Sensitives’ and ‘psychics’ are EASY to find if you’re looking for them in the paranormal community. Just throw a rock, and you’ll certainly hit one. Also, it’s not mandatory, but it IS recommended that you recruit at least ONE member with a mullet.

Step 3: Make an Acronym
This one’s HUGE. It’s elementary. You need a name for your group that really rolls off the tongue, but it also needs to actually mean something. MOST groups use an acronym. It’s best to think of the word you want to use BEFORE deciding on what you want the letters to stand for. Also, the word should be something cool and spooky. Pick something that sounds like it should be the name of a rock band or super hero team. For example you could use something like ‘CREEPS’ or ‘KRABS’. You can use any word you want if you’re creative. You MAY want to pick something that contains certain letters that stand for words commonly used in the community, or letters that stand for the location of your group.

Here are a few examples of words commonly used in acronyms in the community today.
Certified, Paranormal, Research, Ghost, Hauntings, Hunting, Hunters, Investigation, Society

That should give you an idea. Let’s say you’re from Kentucky. You can become P.R.I.C.K. Paranormal Researchers & Investigators Canvassing Kentucky. Like that? I added the word ‘canvassing’ to the mix. Don’t worry. It doesn’t really HAVE to make sense. That’s the beauty of it. If you look at all the other groups in the field, you’ll see that MOST acronyms are either stretching the words to the limit, or barely make any sense at all. Don’t worry. You’re all set.

Step 4: Decorate Your Website
Having a stylish, and flashy website is one of the most important things that you can do when you get involved with the paranormal community. you MUST make it POP and catch the eye. You’re in luck. Most of the images and artwork that you need already exist, and are waiting for you on the web. All you have to do is search for them.

Skulls.

You need skulls that are moving or doing something. Flaming skulls are great for bonus points. You can also get other types of animated gif files to spice things up. Ghost images are good too. Animated boarders like the bleeding one above separating your content will do wonders for your site, or your groups credibility.

When you make a logo for your site or group, it’s probably wise to incorporate a skull or two for good measure there as well.

Step 5: Music
When people visit your site they NEED to know that they’ve entered a whole new realm of glory and spookiness. You need to announce your presence with authority. The best way to do that is to add loud music to each of your pages on your site. It MUST be something that sets the mood, and is spooky. Also, make sure that your visitors have no way to turn it off. Did I mention that it should be LOUD? A Good idea for music is anything that sounds like it was composed on an old organ. Another good idea, is to use midi versions of the ‘Halloween Theme’ or ‘Tubular Bells’.(That’s ‘The Exorcist Theme’ to you.) Yeah, that’ll show everyone that you mean business!

Step 6: Conduct Big Investigations
All cemeteries and graveyards are haunted! This is great because they’re everywhere. Make sure you spend the night in as many cemeteries as possible for a few months. It’s also a good idea to bring your psychics and cameras along with you. Psychics ALWAYS know where the ghosts are, so ask them about what direction you should point your camera. Take as many pictures as possible because you’ll need some images for the website. Not only that, if you’re using a decent digital camera, you’ll definitely get the orbs you need to prove your haunting to all the skeptics.

Step 7: Add Compelling Content
ORBS! I cannot stress this enough. Never underestimate the value of orb pictures. Get some orbs, lots of them! You should have pictures of orbs all over your website. You need big orbs,white orbs,¬†blue orbs, glowing orbs, videos of orbs, orbs in the attic, green orbs and ham, orbs in the rain, orbs in the basement, and even on a sunny day. If you don’t have orbs, you have no credibility, and don’t deserve to be in the field. Forget about calling yourself an expert!

While your at it, you need to add E.V.P.’s to your site, but when you let your visitors listen to the file, make sure that you first tell them exactly what to hear. We don’t want them walking away thinking that they only heard only a couple noises. No, you want to make sure that they hear what you hear. Tell them what to listen for.

The same thing goes for your ghostly images. Get skilled at photoshop or another image editing program. Alter your ghost pictures to make the ghosts easier for people to recognize, and let them know what to look for.

The truth is, people will see or hear anything that you tell them to. They do this because they’re morons. Don’t get me wrong. Morons are good. You need morons. Otherwise we’ll have people running around in the community with no direction at all, or even worse, thinking for themselves. No, it’s best to just tell them what you want them to believe, and watch them fall in line.

Step 8: Promote Yourself & Site
Do the rounds on other websites to promote your team and website. IF a website has a forum, you should register, and join in on the conversations. Don’t worry about getting to know these people. After all, they’re not anyone that will be important to you. They’re just words on a computer screen that can help you get to your ultimate goal of fame and fortune in the paranormal community.

You’ll want to show them some of the great paranormal evidence that you’ve collected to show off how professional, and credible your team is. You will most likely get some resistance there. There are always a few skeptics that will attempt to shoot your orbs down, or discredit them somehow. They’re most likely jealous that they were unable to capture such a great piece of evidence, and will refuse to admit that you have one up on them. They’ll try to make it sound good, and use big words like ‘matrixing’, but in reality, it all boils down to cynicism and jealousy.

Pay these people no mind. YOU’RE the professionals. They’re the nobodies. Besides, you have skulls on your site.

Step 9: Align With Winners
This is an important aspect of the field that many of us forget to do. You have to connect yourself with those that have already made a name for themselves in the field, good or bad. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. Tell people that your friends with members of TAPS, Lorraine Warren, or some other famous investigator. By association, you will immediately be respected, and seen as someone that is already in the ‘inner circle’ of paranormal experts. Everyone will KNOW that you possess knowledge that goes beyond this physical realm, and far into the beyond. You’ve finally made it.

Step 10: Take Out The Competition
Lastly, you MUST find out about other groups in your local area, and do whatever you can to discredit them. Let the rest of the paranormal community know that YOU are the top dogs in your territory. All other paranormal groups in your area are the enemy, and are trying to take your slice of the pie. They will get to the good hauntings first and make a name for themselves. Don’t you let them do it.

That’s about it. If you follow these 10 simple steps, you and your team will be at the top of the proverbial paranormal food chain in no time. You will be respected, honored, and think about this…

Step 9 dictates that you should ally yourselves with other famous investigators. Pretty soon, some new team will be lying to their friends about how well they know YOU.

Ain’t that somethin’? If you’re smart, you’ll start a paranormal certification course, and charge some cash to teach your craft. You’ll make a fortune off of them!